THIS IS NOT AS EASY AS IT SOUNDS

I am just 3 hours away from starting my travels and I thought I would blog to keep my mind off of the fact that my entire body is shaking. I spent the morning with Marissa and Paul at their school. Marissa was very sad. Her tears came down far before i left. She had her friends around her consoling her and saying things like, "you can borrow my mom for two months" But her and I just held each other. I breathed in deeply getting the last whiff of her amazing smell. I kissed her on her head and her cheeks and just let her rest in my lap. It felt good and sad all at the same time.
I walked Paul to his class and I could tell that he was sad but he seemed more confused as to how he was supposed to handle my absence. I gave him lots of kisses all over and he waved good bye as I exited his classroom. Told both of them that I loved them and then went home to begin my loneliness.
This is supposed to be an amazing trip for me and somehow i am feeling really sad. I really have no idea what is in store for me. But we shall see. I should go now I need to get ready for the biggest adventure of my life!!
Happy Birthday to KATIE and JANE!! Two amazing friends!!!!

Acceptance before my departure.

Well this is really hard for me to admit, but I was unable to come up with the full $3,000 to fund my internship. All weekend I was upset about the fact that I failed at accomplishing something I thought to be great. I really felt that if I did this internship it would help guide me to myself. But then my amazing friend brought up a great point. She said, "Make this trip about you. Do this for you now." This woke me up. Take an adventure for myself. I plan to hike the Inca Trail into Machu Picchu and visit Lake Titicaca.
From there I have no idea where my adventure will take me. I know that what ever presents itself to me, I will have an open mind about it and if it feels good and safe I will go.
I leave in just a few days we will see how it goes. Wish me luck!

Getting Ready for my departure

Well I leave in less than 11 days and honestly I am not ready. I am so scared right now. I am already missing my children, I have no idea what I am going to do when I get back. I have no idea who I am going to be.
I am having an identity crisis. I am going to finally admit that. But why do I have this identification problem? Is it because I unconsciously feel that once I can identify I am locked in, settled? I am beginning to believe it may be because I don't WANT to identify with any particular thing. I have tried so many things in my life but never really mastered any of them. I like when I have valid reasons for liking or disliking something. I can say its because I have tried it. And to tell you the truth, i dont want to be good at anyone thing. I want to be good at trying. I want to be good at experiencing pain, love, discomfort, happiness, joy, hurt and forgiveness.
Peru is just another one of those things that I want to experience... I mean come on I am going to one of the SEVEN WONDERS OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How much more amazing can you get!!???